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Three things will last forever -faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love (1st Cor. 13:13 NLT)

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Baby” I sang as I entered the house carrying a balloon tied to a box of candy. My husband grinned up at me from his hospital bed. I placed the box of candy and the balloon on the bed table. Then I tapped the balloon. A tinny rendition of You’re the One began to play. “You’re the one who makes me sing and shout, you’re the one I dream about. We’re still having fun, and you’re still the one”.

His grin widen into a smile that filled his whole countenance. His eyes brimmed with love and a little of that love spilled over and down his cheeks. “I will always love you,” I said. “Me too” he croaked. It is hard for him to speak, his lung capacity has decreased and it takes a lot of effort for him to push enough air over his vocal cords to make them vibrate. His tongue and cheek muscles have also fallen prey to ALS (Amyotropic Lateral Sclerosis) and he has difficulty enunciating his words clearly. But our desire to live each moment that we are granted has led us to make the decision that “I’m gonna live, live, live until I die”. It has been this decision that has kept us going through the long difficult years of living with ALS rather than dying from it. It has been this decision that has led us to praise God in the midst of the most difficult circumstances we have ever faced. It is this decision that keeps us celebrating holidays, birthdays, and yes, even Valentine’s Day.

The singing balloon is now attached to the side rail of my husband’s hospital bed. A couple of times a day as I am doing things for him I will tap the balloon. The balloon and I do a duet to which I dance. He always gets a big grin on his face. His eyes become dazzling spotlights of intense love. In that transcendent moment we know and share a passionate love that fills a lifetime and beyond, a love that rises above all things, a love that even death cannot diminish. In that moment I know that I will always have his love with me. It won’t matter where his physical presence has moved; his love will be in my heart, mind, and spirit. His love will guide me in my decisions. I will hear him in my heart cautioning me to think before I act, questioning is this really what you want to do, or telling me “You can do this”.

For the dying, death is the doorway to Heaven. For those of us who are left behind, death is the doorway that challenges us to go on living in a new and different way. It is not easy to think about living alone, but I believe the best way to honor the man I love, my beloved husband who has always challenged me to be the best I can be, is to live life as fully as I possibly can. I know this is true because he told me so.

Three things will last forever, faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love (1st Cor. 13:13 NLT)

Ann E. Van Dyke holds a Masters degree in psychology and is a licensed addictions counselor.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com

Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.
(Hebrews 10:36 NLT)

I sit on the edge of my husband’s hospital bed, holding his hand and stroking his face. The room is lit only by the soft glow of the streetlights filtering through the bay window. I am silent, drinking in. the love that we have shared over a lifetime of living together. It is a mystery – how in the midst of his dying I can feel our shared love, our shared lives so poignantly and passionately while simultaneously withdrawing emotional energy from our relationship.

He will soon be moving to Heaven and I will be here, a widow endowed with the challenge and the gift of creating a life for myself without him. Questions race through my mind with the speed of an Olympic downhill racer. What will I do? How will I find solace? Who will walk with me on my journey? Strangely enough I have not asked the question “Why me?” I already know the answer to that question – “Why not me?”

He speaks: “Are you feeling sad or scared?” ‘No”, I reply. ‘I just wanted to hold your hand to feel your presence, drink in our love”. It is a melancholy moment, one filled with passionate love, reverberant joy, and the deepest sorrow I have ever felt. It is one of those peak experiences in life that is accentuated by the quietness of the evening, filled with the love of a shared lifetime, and slowly moving towards the final curtain closing.

He smiles, “Well, just remember you have Odin”, Odin, my German Sheppard puppy. I, the cat lover, who swore that no dog would ever enter my home, have purchased a dog. Not just a dog, but a puppy. I know nothing, zip, zilch, nada about training a puppy. I don’t even like dogs. I love my cat Nala. She is independent, asks nothing of me except that I keep her food dish filled. Occasionally, she will give me permission to pet her, but only when she wants to be petted. And now, in the midst of my husband’s dying I have a puppy.

Odin, is the recipient of my emotional energy that I am withdrawing from my husband. He is a quiet dog that demands nothing, but he is there to listen to me, to love me, to redirect me. How does Odin know what I need at the moment I need it? It is a mystery, the depths of which I shall never be able to plummet. Yet, I am thankful that this mystery is presently operating in my life.

Odin is always by my side. He follows me from room to room. I find myself talking to him as if he were a human being. I tell him of my joys, my sorrows, my dreams, and my fears. He listens; he licks my hand and waits patiently for me to pet him. Somehow he senses my need for unconditional love and acceptance. He senses my need for reassurance that my life will not only continue, but that at some future point I will again live fully and joyously. He is helping me make the transition. He cannot replace my husband; no one can replace my husband. But Odin has my energy, my time, and my attention. He needs me to give to him as much as he gives to me. He is mine and he is teaching me patient endurance and hope.

It never ceases to amaze me the avenues through which God shows us His unfailing love. “Remember me in the light of your unfailing love, for you are merciful, O Lord (Psalms 25: 7 NLT). I thank you Lord that in the midst of my grief and sorrow l can feel your unfailing love, that “The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and obey his demands (Psalms 25: 10 NLT). There is no limit to the creative power of our Lord, and no limit in his reaching out to comfort us. Thank you. Lord for the gift of Odin.

Ann E. Van Dyke holds a Masters degree in psychology and is a licensed addictions counselor.
Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com

It’s something no one wants to think about, but unfortunately, death is one of the most assured facts of life. There’s no way to avoid its eventuality forever, but there are ways to plan for its occurrence and help those who will remain behind deal with the circumstance with dignity and grace. For many, the best way to help their families after they’re gone is to ensure burial plans are in place. And, more and more, people are turning to cremation.

The choice between cremation and burial is a very personal one and some will flat out not desire this alternative. But those who do, cite the simplicity, cost savings, memorial possibilities and more as their reasons. In fact, nearly 30 percent of Americans are now choosing cremation over burials. There are more than 700,000 cremations performed in the U.S. a year with more than 1,700 crematories offering their services all over the country.

But, why choose cremation? There are a number of compelling reasons to go this route. They include:

* Less expense. While it’s true there’s nothing “cheap” in the funeral business, cremation is a lower-cost alternative. Since it doesn’t require the purchase of a plot of land or an expensive coffin, those who pick this route often say they do it to save their families unnecessary expense.

* Environmental reasons. Since there is no coffin or burial involved, the use of land doesn’t come into play with a cremation. The body is not placed in the earth along with items that might be detrimental to it.

* Personal choice. Many people prefer their families celebrate their lives and go back to their business as quickly as possible. Cremation can be a more low-key route to go without the need for large funeral processions and pomp and circumstance. The option, of course, is there if a family wants it though.

* Ability to release ashes. Many people are fond of the idea of having their ashes strewn at a favorite location. This is also a comforting act for the family to put their loved one’s ashes in a favorite spot, allowing them to “rest” where they’re comfortable for all eternity. Whether it’s the person’s own backyard or a mountainside in a distant location, the choice is present.

* Ceremony still possible. Although a casket and big burial ceremony won’t be necessary if this is the route chosen, a memorial service and a follow up service at the time of the ashes being strewn (if that’s the choice) are more than possible. The options with cremation are many and fall totally in the realm of personal preference.

It’s not a topic many want to discuss, but it’s one we’ll all face. As assured as taxes, death cannot be avoided forever. More and more people are turning to cremation as the answer for their final resting place. Allowing a little more freedom of choice than burial, this method is also more affordable for many.

Respecting a person’s last wishes is an important part of honoring a loved one. When cremation is the choice, those wishes can be very, very personal and detailed.

Cremation can offer benefits to families and loved ones. Make an educated choice.

http://www.cremationsite.com

And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39 NKJ

I have always loved this commandment mostly because it assumes we love ourselves. At the very least it seems to give us permission to feel good about ourselves and to treat ourselves well because then that is the standard for the treatment of others. I have rarely seen, in this day and age, the kind of love God would have us have for ourselves. I call it “God Esteem.” God’s vision of us and hope for us is always the most wonderful self-image conceivable. He made us and wants us to be the best we can be and love ourselves at any age.

It almost seems today as if “low self-esteem” is chic. If you don’t have it you’d better go looking for it. We are so controlled by external evaluation that there are very few ways to have any kind of esteem according to society norms. You can’t be too fat, too poor or too old or in modern, young parlance, “You can’t be too thin, too rich or too young.” Someone was telling me that models today, for the most part, are all washed up in their twenties. I think most of us buy into this lie. I feel it must grieve the Father that we can’t love ourselves at any age.

But once I did encounter what I believe was “God Esteem,” true “God Esteem.” Mama B, my mother-in-law, has always loved the Lord and believed that he forms us, physically as well, at every stage of our lives, and that he does a perfect job. It was late one night on vacation, and I had to get up to visit the bathroom, which my husband and I were sharing with Mama B, who was in the next bedroom.

The bathroom door was closed. I peeked into Mama B’s bedroom, and she was not there. I waited outside the bathroom door for a few minutes. I didn’t want to call out for fear of waking my husband. I tried to turn the knob softly. The door wasn’t locked. I pushed it open, and there was Mama B standing in front of the mirror in the dark. The moonlight was streaming through the window, and Mama B was standing directly in its light. The silver and white of her bobbed hair, shone like white and grey silk. She had on a very red lipstick which made her teeth aspirin white. She was smiling so broadly and peacefully that she radiated happiness. “You know what?” she asked me.

“No, what, Mama B?”

“I’m a beautiful old lady.”

We were silent for a few seconds, and then I looked at the striking mirror image and said, “You know what? You are.”

Since her death, when I remember this incident, I go to the mirror and try to say, “You are a beautiful middle-aged woman.” Oh yuk! I don’t mean a word of it, and you can tell by the surly frown in the mirror. I know Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t going to worry. But I also know Mama B was right. I know she had “God Esteem.”

Thank you, Lord, for giving us examples of the wisdom of some your saints which can give us great comfort and guidance in our grief. Our loved ones, who have died, not only live on in You, but in us. Thank you that I will think of Mama B and You every time I take a step toward God esteem.

Diana Burg is an author with several books. She writes novels, short stories, plays, screenplays and poetry. Her passion is writing.

Mourning Glory, A Devotional for Grieving is a book for those struggling through a loss and looking for support and comfort. http://www.amourningdevotional.com

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